Calgon

From August 2010

I know that I shouldn't get upset by something as trivial as a TV advert but the latest offering from Calgon really annoys me.

It starts with this kid riding his scooter into his Mum's kitchen, the latter exclaiming "Stop, there's water everywhere." At this point the camera pulls back to reveal a miniscule puddle of water and a washing machine repairman bearing a vague resemblance to Alan Titchmarsh. Presumably the real Alan Titchmarsh was too busy remaking "Coast" with Twiggy.

The repairman then gives a pseudo-scientific explanation of how limescale totally wrecks your washing machine (and, by implication, your life). He drones on about how cheaper water softeners will only give you half the protection. And as we all know "half protection's almost like no protection" which he illustrates by pointing at the child: "like him riding off with half his helmet". (No sniggering at the back.)

The mother's response to this (the half helmet thing) is to exclaim "Never" but pronounced "Nevuh" as if Titchmarsh had suggested sticking the boy in the washing machine or the scooter up his arse. Either of which would act as a deterrent to him using his scooter inside the house again.

It's incredible to think that somebody wrote this, that somebody at Calgon thought it was a great advert, that Titchmarsh, Nevuh & Scooter-boy had so little self-respect as to agree to appear in it. What is Calgon anyway?